Nia is in my life to stay!

Pure joy--a Nia class!

Spear Fingers! One of  Nia's 52 moves, one of our favorites--Our LOVE guns!

I might be part of a very small group of people who can say that I really do not want to change anything about my body. Nothing. There's nothing wrong with it, but it's not perfect either. It's just "average." Although, I might be slightly taller and more muscular than the average American 28-year-old. I stick out my rear-end a bit more than most people I know, but that's a bad ballet habit. I don't care. I love my 9 butt muscles. They're pretty awesome. Not only do I not care what my body does or does not look like, I actually love it. For the first time in my life, this isn't a lie, or me telling someone something that just "sounds good."

I've been taking Nia for 7 months now, and when I noticed that the body hatred I had harbored since the age of 8 was slowly melting away into nothing but appreciation and gratitude, I knew that this was way more than just dancing. A part of me didn't want to know, though too. Dancing had become magical again...like it was when I was a little, little girl. Then when I started sobbing after a class in my car driving home, I knew that just dancing wasn't going to suffice for my answer. Parts of me started to show themselves that I had NEVER seen before. Extroversion. Fun. Light-heartedness. Laughter. Self-Compassion...self-compassion...self-compassion.

Tears come to my eyes just writing that. I'd blamed myself for every hurt that had ever fallen down on me. I'd beaten myself up for every bad choice I had ever made. It was safe to say that I hated myself, inside and out. I started noticing "cheesy" things coming out of my mouth. I should say, things that I used to poke fun of because I didn't understand concepts such as self-care, or nurturing. I thought curling up with a warm blanket and reassuring myself was ridiculous because I could only intellectualize that. I couldn't feel anything below my neck (in terms of emotions and feelings). I just ran away from them and starved them into exile. Then after I had "recovered," I thought feelings would kill me, so I tried to therapize them away or take more medications for the anxiety. Then I stared Nia, and somehow I needed less and less medication and didn't really fear my tears anymore. What was going on?!?!

So, I decided to take a Nia White Belt Intensive. I am nothing short of amazed by what I had mistaken for "just dancing." There is no possible way that I can hate my body anymore. I learned so much about the benefits of exercising in the way our bodies were meant to be moved, that I can't possibly abuse mine with that type of over-use and abuse again. I can't imagine not having FUN when I exercise ever again! Underneath this superficial layer of imperfect skin is an amazing, complex, and intricate universe of muscles, tendons, bones, and nerves that function perfectly by design and symbiosis with each other, my emotions, and my brain. It's amazing. To say I am awe-struck would be an understatement. Nia is about more than just dancing and exercising, although it can be. No, a phrase that stuck with me throughout the 6-day training was "sacred athlete." Sacred means being set aside, or designated for one sole and important purpose. A sacred athlete will realize sacredness of the self and only want to exercise in such a way as to create joy and purpose for a healthy and energetic life. Not to mention, there is some pretty amazing music in Nia too! A vast array of songs and routines with amazingly planned choreography that NEVER gets boring, but is comprised of only 52 carefully studied moves. Each move has been designed to create joy of movement in specific bones and/or muscles. All 206 bones, and probably all 640 voluntary muscles get attention in Nia. How cool is that? How can I not want to be a part of this? I do. As if I wasn't hooked before, I am now.

Then there's the profound realization that came to me near the end of the training! We were asked to close our eyes for a minute, wait, and in a few words, describe the most impactful thing about the training for us. What came out of my mouth astounded me. I know it came from somewhere deep inside, somewhere where my brain couldn't tamper with its truth and purity. After less than a minute, a warm smile started in the middle of my body and traveled up my spine. Out of my mouth came a very child-like statement of wonder and appreciation: "That the Body is an amazing and beautiful place. It's not scary at all. It's actually a really cool place to live." It took me until I was driving back home to Milwaukee to realize just how meaningful this is for me. I described it later in my journal like this: 

“If I ever go looking for my heart's desire again, I won't look any further than my own back yard. Because if it isn't there, I never really lost it to begin with.”

― L. Frank Baum, The Wonderful Wizard of Oz

-- I have realized that "home" means something totally different to me now than it ever has before. I can't help but think of this quote (the Wizard of Oz is my favorite movie, but I've misunderstood this quote since the very first time I saw it). Wanting to feel "at home" has never really been about a physical location, a building, or even the other people around me. My longing (and many times, painful aching) to be "home," came from the fact that I never realized that where I LIVE, is inside my body. It's already right here! I ignored that, and thus never, ever feel like I belonged anywhere. Now paying close attention to it, caring for it, listening to it, loving it, and actually taking pride and ownership of it--suddenly it's not hard to hear my heart's desire or feel like I'm right, exactly where I belong. It's actually a pretty amazing place to live. It's so much more than just a shell. It houses something pretty great...in each and every one of us! Each one is a house and a home to unique and individual talent, beauty, and potential. Like Dorothy, I never lost it either. I didn't have to look so hard...it's always been right here. It's a really cool place to live. I'm never leaving home ever again. Thank you body for never leaving me.