Happy Birthday...

I remember everything. I wish I didn't, but I do. I used to joke when people would ask, "Mandi, how the heck do you remember that?" that I am an elephant, and you know that they say elephants never forget.

So, I'll never forget that January 30 is my grandfather's birthday. He would have been 82 years old today. He died somewhat suddenly of a stroke in the fall of 2001 when I turned 17. I am the eldest of his grandchildren. My siblings, Ruthie and Ben, and I never doubted the immense joy (despite their tough and staunch exteriors) we gave our grandparents. Grandpa never said much, but when he did, we listened. We spent a great portion of our childhood in the presence of both our parents and grandparents, and this makes me one of the luckiest people ever. I had two sets of parents. My grandpa was a constant, watchful presence in my life. Whether through stories, lectures, or interactions we learned the values of work, family, integrity, and faith from my grandpa. We knew when we disobeyed and violated those values too! He rarely had to tell us our errors, because we knew the "look," as he would lovingly tilt his head slightly, gently furrow his brow, gaze directly at us with his clear, blue eyes, and raise his right hand with a pointed index finger slowly, and gesture it ever so subtly in our direction. If you didn't catch it the first time, he'd do it once more and add your full name in his stern, deep German voice. The pointed finger and "Amanda JoAnn Degner" could stop even my most spastic, hyperactive behavior in its tracks. There was rarely words, we just knew. I guess Grandpa was wise in knowing the power of nonverbal communication far before I studied it in college learning that 60-65% of communication's impact is tied into our nonverbal behavior. He was a smart man.

Grandpa loved us more than anything. Sometimes when I'm visiting home, staying at my childhood home, I get up early. As I fumble with their coffee maker, I stare sleepily out the kitchen window toward the barn and can still see his powder-blue Chevy Blazer parked next to the milk-house like it was, without fail at 6:30 am sharp, every morning until the day of his stroke. I miss having him watch my siblings and I do our barn chores and goofing around. Hearing him laugh at our sibling interactions or our attempts to "tame" the barn cats are some of my favorite memories. His laugh was like his singing in church--loud and proud. He was proud of us, and I can tell you with certainty that we are proud to say he is our grandpa. I wish he was here to see the three of us now...

My Grandma takes joy and pride in being able to bring happiness to others through food and company. She is a true, beautiful German "haus frau" (housewife). To this day, the best compliment I love to recieve from her is on my cooking, baking, or creative efforts when she says, "Mandi, you're becoming such a good, little haus frau." We always had a birthday dinner with Grandpa and she would make whatever he wanted that night. He loved fish soup. I remember having it a few times on his birthday. I think I might try to make it sometime soon in honor of him. Yes, I can do that even if that's not typical of how people in my culture remember our loved ones. I haven't been able to talk about my grandpa this much since before he died. I'm breaking the rules. Happy Birthday Grandpa. We miss you.
Love, Mandi

In honor of Grandpa, a recipe for fish soup:

Traditional European Fish Soup

Ingredients:
2 1/2 tablespoons butter
2 1/2 tablespoons plain flour
4 -5 cups fish stock or 4 cups vegetable stock
1 medium carrot, finely chopped in strips
1 -2 cup leek, finely chopped in strips
1 -2 potato, peeled and cut into small cubes (optional)
1 (14 ounce) can chopped tomatoes (optional)
4 -6 ounces catfish (or fish of your own choice)
1/2 cup heavy cream
1/4 cup chopped fresh parsley
salt and pepper
2 tablespoons sour cream (optional)

Directions:
Melt 2 tablespoons of the butter, add the flour, stir for about 2 minutes without browning the flour.
Add the fish stock at intervals, stirring all the time, let it boil gently for 5-10 minutes.
Melt the rest of the butter and saute the carrots and leek and potatoes, if using, for approx 10 minutes.
Add the tomatoes (if using) and simmer for another 5 minutes, then add fish and the cream.
Simmer for another 5 minutes, or until the fish is tender.

Add the parsley and salt and pepper to taste.

Serve garnished with sour cream.