A week of believing in the unfounded evidence...

This is what happens when you buy into everyone else's ideas of what you can or can't do because of your "choices" and the false accusations from a deep-seeded critical voice within:
You spend an entire week worrying about why you can't seem to come up with an idea for your semester project, frustrated that you aren't good enough or smart enough or know the right people to follow through with any of the ideas you may have brainstormed! Welcome to my past week....

I used to force myself to suck it up or get over it, but for some reason that wasn't going to work tonight. I couldn't be mean to myself like I used to do! I sat down and cried, sort of threw a little mini-temper tantrum on the floor next to my desk, and then I heard all those voices of expectations and that really mean self-critic. Lies. Unfounded, non-factual evidence of my "badness" and failures. About 5 minutes of crying later, it all seemed ok. I remembered it's ok not to "get it right away," you'll be ok. 10 minutes later, I miraculously had a topic that seemed workable.

Are you kidding me? I spent a week obsessing over this, and the reason I kept hitting a roadblock was that I was buying into the idea that I just couldn't do it? Wow. I guess negative self-talk is a powerful thing. I've taken it to heart for a long time. I almost gave up on this. Hmm, and all because I just let myself have my little tantrum without calling myself "stupid" for getting so upset...I'm so done with that. It hurts a lot less just to cry, and let it clear out all the lies.

It's not me that was the problem...it was believing that I was somehow "not good enough," by standards that fell short when it came time to back up their accusations. Funny how that works, I'm the one who thought I didn't measure up, but actually it was what I was believing that didn't measure up. Those false accusations couldn't withstand the test of truth and evidence. I win.

I'm not going anywhere...staying right here. Right now. And I can be have joy in my tears, I can be happy no matter what. I love this.